Legacy 12 | How social media caused my identity crisis
Welcome back to The Coco Love Podcast where I talk about courage, confidence and self-love. My name is Kahdija Imari. And I am on a mission to become the woman I dream of being. She is thriving, not just surviving, and I need to figure out what do I need to do to become that woman. So I'm here to talk through it with you. Let's get into legacy episode number 12.
Well, welcome back to my podcast. My name is Kahdija Imari. And I am so glad that you're joining me today. Okay, so I want to talk about how I went through some issues, some identity issues with The Coco Love Podcast that I created, which was the second podcast that I created if you listened to episode number two, I explained all about how, how many podcasts I've had and how they were all different.
So, the The Coco Love Podcast... there was a time in The Coco Love Podcast, where, (and I've only made what six episodes. Yeah, I think I made six episodes of The Coco Love Podcast.) There was a whole moment there was a complete identity crisis. Okay, you guys. I felt like I needed a nickname. It was serious. Like, I really don't know what I was going through. But I felt like I needed a nickname. I felt this so strongly, like y'all don't even is real. Okay. I was on this new journey. Of not was because I am still on this journey. Of I want to be an influencer. I want to be an affiliate. I want to, I want to do all these these things. I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell my products. I want people not to be ashy. Like I want everybody to have moisturize skin. Because I just feel it's so important. Because personally, not only does not having dry skin feel amazing. It makes me feel beautiful. When my skin is soft, like it's it's just it's a whole vibe. It's a whole mood is a pampering moment that I personally enjoy. And when I see other people looking ashy, I'm like, Excuse me. Here you go. You need this. Like, I know you might not think that you need it, but I got you don't worry. I've got you. Okay, we're not gonna let you walk around here like that. Okay. So that's how I feel. And like, yeah, so what was I even talking about? Y'all went off on a whole tangent rant thing. Okay, I remember what I was talking about. Okay, so The Coco Love Podcast.
Yes, I was basically having like an identity crisis because I was trying to come up with a nickname. And in the midst of me, pondering a nickname for myself. I realized a couple of like, there were a few reasons why. So not only did I feel like okay, maybe this is something that I need to do, because other people are doing it people who have come up like in the influencer world or as a social media, like Yeah, as a social media influencer, or what have you. They have like nicknames or like rhymey names and things like catchy, just catchy names. And I'm like, I need one of those. Like, my name is just so unique. And here's here's part two. I felt like how are people going to find mean how we're gonna? How are people going to know who I am? If they can't say my name, like pronounce my name, or if they can't spell my name?
I really I felt really strongly about that one and like, literally people misspell my name all the time. Like it's been a thing my entire life, folks, I'm gonna let you know right now. My name is Kahdija, Imari? Okay? It is spelled K-A-H, D as in dog, I-J-A. I-M-A-R-I, okay. That's how you spell my name. Okay. K-A-H, not K-H-A, not K-H-A-D-I-J-A-H, that's too many letters. That's not me. Who are you talking about? Because that ain't me. That ain't me.
So, yeah, like me, knowing that my name has been an issue for other people, for basically my entire life. It's like, it had more weight to me. In that moment, this fact had more weight to me. Because it's like, oh, no, this could be a setback. This could be something that hinders me from achieving the goals that I now have. And so I saw it as a problem, I saw it as something that needed to be fixed. I saw it as something that could hinder me. And so I wanted pretty badly to figure out a nickname.
The third reason was I so I became an affiliate. And when you become an affiliate, sometimes you get these links to, if you don't know, what an affiliate is, an affiliate is a an influencer. Or a person in everyday life, it could be you, it could be me, it is me. Um, but a regular person who is sponsored by a brand. So that brand thinks that this person is a person who can represent their brand well, and they give them the opportunity to not only wear their clothing, or merchandise or whatever it is that they're selling. So I'll say merchandise, they give them merchandise, maybe it's for a discounted rate, maybe they pay full price. But when that person advertises the merchandise, however, they're advertising it, when they advertise that merchandise, they can give out their discount code, or their discount link to their own followers. So I could give my discount code or my discount link to my mom, my dad, my sisters, brothers other family like all I could give my discount linking code out to people that I know personally, people who I think might enjoy the merchandise that I have from this company, right? When they use that link or that code, I get a small percentage of a commission. And so that's how the deal works. If I thoroughly enjoy that brand, you know, I'm rocking their things I like I enjoy rocking their things. And by virtue of me enjoying wearing their items, or using their merchandise, I show it off to other people that follow me, they like that merchandise in they now have an opportunity to get a discount if they so choose to purchase the same thing that I have shown them on my social media pages and so yeah, that's that's that's what an affiliate is. So it's basically a salesperson, but they're not well, all affiliates aren't made the same. I don't want to be salesy. I don't want to beat like in your face 'buy this thing'. I want it to be just like a natural flow. Like I just happen to be wearing this thing. If you want to buy one that looks like this for you, then the link is in the description or what have you type vibes. That's how I would like for it to come off for anybody who's following me. But yeah, so therein being an affiliate, you get a code and you get links. Well, you're not always going to have the opportunity to put a link somewhere in terms of it being clickable; easily accessible and clickable. So the thing that people might be able to remember quicker is your discount code.
Well, here again, going back to people knowing my name and understanding my name and how to spell my name and all this... the thought that went through my mind was, how are people going to use my discount code? If they can't spell my name properly? How are they going to get their discount, no one's going to go back and look at my discount code. So that they can get 10% off or 15% off or what have you. They're just gonna pay the extra three or $4 or however much it is. They're not gonna, they're not going to know how to spell my name, I'm not going to get my commission, they're not going to get their discount. Like, this isn't gonna work, I have to change my name.
So there were all these factors involved in me feeling like I needed to figure out, come up with, smash together, a really good sounding nickname that not only sounded good, but was also short and sweet, to the point, easy to spell, easy to comprehend. Right? So those were the things going through my head, and since I called that podcast, The Coco Love Podcast, I ended up coming up with a nickname that I thought was equally cute. And I thought it kind of went together. And so I want to, I want to really reveal it to you in a way that is very dramatic.
So, I want to try to repeat my, the intro that I use to try to do. Hold on, let me see. Let me think. Can I remember how it went? Okay, okay, okay. Okay. I remember I remember Okay, so I'm about to say it in three, two. Hi, I'm Sweet Miss Coco and you are listening to The Coco Love Podcast. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I remember that. Okay, so yeah, they're in was my the nickname that I came up with. It was I am Sweet Miss. Coco that was my handle on Instagram. I literally changed my instagram handle to @iamsweetmisscoco for like, I don't know, I guess for six weeks? Because I did six episodes one episode every week. Yeah, and so it's just so interesting.
I went through that whole situation. And I felt like I figured it out and, and I changed my discount codes to the companies I was an affiliate to. I changed the code to "sweets". And I was you know, I was trying to put 'sweets' at the end of all my captions and it I felt like it took a lot of work. I felt like it was... at the end of the day, I felt like it was me putting on a show. That's what I'm getting at. It felt like I was putting on a show. I felt like I was being disingenuous. Like, I wasn't being true to who I am. I don't go around telling people 'Hey, sweets'. I don't go around telling people 'later sweets' or 'bye sweets', or anything 'sweets', like I don't say that. Typically, if you were to meet me in person, typically I would either say hi, or Hello, or Aloha. Typically on a regular day, I'm probably going to say aloha. If I'm being honest, I say aloha a lot when I greet people, and so nowhere in that is the word sweets, okay! This whole rigmarole that I went through it was totally an identity crisis. I was honestly trying to find myself I don't know why. I mean, I say I don't know why I wanted to find a nickname but I quite literally just told you three reasons why I wanted badly to find myself a nickname and I felt like it was justified and all of these things and it was just so much.
And you know what, I found it quite difficult to to truly adopt the name. right? So even when I was writing down notes like journaling or anything like that about the podcast or ideas that I had. I found myself writing my name not Sweet Miss Coco or am sweet miss coco. I would get confused all the time. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I wrote it wrong. And then I also realized that I wasn't it wasn't rolling off my tongue very easily. And so for me that came off as very disingenuous. Is that even a word? I'm saying that let me let me Google this real quick. This
genius. I'm not able to look this up as quickly as I want it to.
Uh, huh. Is a word, you guys. I felt like I was saying something incorrectly. Okay, yeah. disingenuous, not candid or sincere typically, by pretending that one knows less about something than one really does? Well, I'll tell you, I didn't know none by Who the heck sweet Miss CoCo was. But I know all about who Khadija is. Okay. I am growing into really knowing and appreciating the person that I truly am. At my core, I'm curious, I asked a lot of questions. I typically also have follow up questions. I'm always analyzing things. I'm quite literal. I love creating. Oh my gosh, I am a little designer person. My brain is always thinking about things and matching things together and creating things and just non stop creation. So that's why on my Instagram page, you'll see it it just says a true creative. So yeah, it you guys. I just wanted to stress how it was just so interesting. It was a tough time for me. When I was doing the cocoa love podcast, I just felt like I needed to be someone else to create a persona to change my name. That is just so deep, you guys. Yeah, so I'm glad that I was able to share what the heck happened with the Coachella podcast. I've essentially ended it because one I felt like I needed a break from it. I felt like I was again doing too much. And it was you know, between work and doing things for my business 27th And rose. I felt like it was just a lot. And so I paused again. But most of all, I just felt so disingenuous. I felt so dishonest. So confused about who the heck am I who is this sweetness coke? I am not a sweetness cook. Okay. Um, I can't even like get it off of my tongue really well. So yeah, I just ultimately didn't feel 100% about it. So I stopped. So I stopped so yeah, you can make that decision to you know, I want to encourage you. If you are ever in a situation and you feel like oh, I don't know if this is for me. And you just cannot shake that feeling. If you continue to have that feeling over and over and over and over again on different occasions on different days. You keep having that feeling. Listen to it, Honey, listen to it, it means that you need to make a change in me it means that you need to stop doing whatever that thing is you need to course correct. So that is exactly what I did. And of course corrected a filling here I'm just let me get my name back. Let me get my name back. Because there is no other Khadija, Amari. Okay there is no other you You are the only you out there and you are special because you are you. You have in the face that you have. Having the body that you have having the brain that you have having the love that you have in your heart, having the gifts that you share with everyone every day, having the voice that you share with everyone every day. Having the thoughts that you have habit having the level of curiosity that you have, you are special you are important just as you are there is nothing special, nothing else that you need to do. You are awesome. Exactly how you are period period. You have everything that you need already inside of you. All of it. Oh my goodness. Okay, I'm preaching now. I'm gonna stop. Okay. I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your day and thank you for listening to me.
I will talk to you next time thank you so much for listening to this legacy episode of The Kogelo podcast. I invite you to join me on this self love Journey by visiting me at Khadija amari.me. That's K-A-H-D-I-J-A-I-M-A-R-I dot M-E. Okay, so one thing is the the clacking and booming and banging that you sometimes might hear in the background is my puppy axon. So please forgive that he's a puppy. And I love him so much. And also, I totally forgot to tell you guys what the deal was with me using the same music back in episode number 10 legacy episode 10. So here goes basically I feel like this music matches my vibe. So I just can't you know that's pretty much it, but I told you I was gonna tell you about it. And then I forgot to tell you about it. So I thought I would you know, remedy that. Okay, see you guys in the next episode.