What the Carnivore Beheld

What the Carnivore Beheld

| Kahdija Imari

Growing up as a young girl with raging hormones, I always had my eye on some poor guy.  

I say “poor guy” to infer that they didn’t know I would lurk and lure...

Nor was I fully aware of what I was doing and the repercussions to follow.  

It was as if I was a lioness...  

And they were my next unsuspecting meal.  

It didn’t even matter what time of day it was…  

7 am in the cafeteria…  

9 am in biology class…  

12:15 pm standing at my locker…  

I was always hungry for more. 

More of what?  

A stolen look. A catch of the eye. Or even the slightest acknowledgment of my existence. 

I wanted to admire the beauty of each curve, color, and length…

Clear skin…

Long eyelashes…

Hazel eyes…  

White teeth…  

Stylish clothing…

The way he walks and how it differs from the next guy…

The curvature of his Adam’s apple, how it moves up and down, and how manly it’s beginning to make his voice sound…  

The length of his arms and the veins that seem to bulge right out of his hands…

All the things that make his anatomy different from mine.  

I wanted to see up close. I wanted to get to know a guy who would be okay with me admiring his appearance... preferably at a close distance and with a conversation or two.  

You see, it was more than a glance I really yearned to catch.

Time went on... I graduated high school... went to undergrad... and still...

I wanted to be the object of affection to a special man I could call my own.

But for years, I hosted complicated relationships with my welcoming eyes and comforting arms... 

Nurturing a sort of beast that was leading my heart astray.

When one handsome guy left, I spied another in the distance with my little eye.  

It's important to note that I quite literally studied the features of almost every guy I laid eyes on. 

I eventually learned which features I gaze upon longer than others.

I would even imagine meeting a guy who possessed all the features I found to be breathtaking. 

As the age-old saying goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  

You can imagine that I beheld quite a few guys to build such a well-rounded study.  

And for whatever reason, I didn’t seem to care if they saw me behold them.  

In fact, if and when our eyes caught one another, it was a special moment.  

I could then analyze each thread in the crater-like surface of their iris…  

Further dissecting and appreciating their handsome features.  

It wasn’t until sometime later that realized my fetish of admiring the artwork laid by a being far more powerful, insightful, and detail-oriented than I, might be considered weird, rude, intrusive, unladylike, and can actually scare the object of my affection away.  

I also learned the hard way that some of my subjects could and would rotate the dinner table in their favor.

So much for thinking I was a stealthy lioness. 

These weren’t fun times, even though I welcomed and fed into the confusion.  

See, I was an innocent…

More like an admirer in an art gallery...  

A through and through plant-eater…  

But carnivores don’t care that your teeth aren’t sharp!

In fact, if and when they learn you're a plant-eater, they can almost bank on your lack of sharpness to assist in your defeat. 

Easy prey.  

That’s what I was and sometimes still am.  

But recently, my focus has shifted away from the yearning to see and be seen by attractive men.

My entrepreneurial goals are far more attractive to me.

Since launching two small businesses, I have noticed that I don’t feel as anxious about being single…

When I’ll meet the one

What breathtaking features he'll have...   

When we’ll get married…

Or how old I’ll be when this all goes down.  

I finally feel focused on me. On my priorities. On my businesses.

They are the objects of my affection now.  

I behold and analyze every detail and am enjoying the process of constructing something beautiful from the inside out.

And to think it all started with a slight shift in focus…   

On what I chose to behold with my beautiful brown eyes.  

Is there something you sense you could be doing to enhance your life or the lives of those around you… 

Some goal(s) you’ve wanted to reach but you never truly went after them? 

What have you been focusing on that may be placing you in precarious situations? 

What are you involved in that may be holding you back from accomplishing your goals? 

Choose to shift your focus. 

Today is a new day for you to decide to go after your goals  

Decide to make what you can control, your priority.  

You too can shift your focus and become the carnivore you’re meant to be.

Tags: Reflections